Save St. Patrick’s Day!!!

Everyone reading this, I need your help. It has been brought to my attention that one of my favorite holidays is in peril. The celebration of Guinness, corned beef, whiskey, clovers, cabbage, the color green, and all things Irish is in danger. I am of course talking about that day in March, the holiest of drinking holidays, St. Patrick’s Day.

Who, you might be asking would be against this day? Is it some crazy senator trying to enforce his moral code on the rest of us? Has some celebrity with nothing better to do been offended by the color green? Maybe it is some well meaning but delusional religious leader that is trying to take the holiday back. No, my friends, it is someone else. It is the people responsible for most of the things that annoy me, other parents.

The Threat!

A few days ago, my daughter came to me and asked what did I think the leprechaun was going to bring her? I chuckled, thinking of the hangovers that the leprechaun brought me in years past. “Honey,” I said sweetly ” You don’t get gifts for St. Patrick’s day. Leprechauns don’t bring presents.”  I hated to tell her there was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, just a porcelain bowl that I was well acquainted with. But I didn’t want to go out to the store to buy things either.St. Patrick's Day

She wasn’t done. “Yes they do!” she said confidently. “Tyler has a leprechaun trap and every year he gets a toy when he catches a leprechaun! I’m going to build a trap too!” My heart sank because it was at that moment I realize what happened. Some well-meaning parent, probably the same one who brought us that god awful Elf on the Shelf, has done it. They have started the ball rolling that will one day take this beloved celebration of inebriation away from us.

It isn’t that I don’t like buying my girls things. Our living room carpet composed of doll clothes and Legos speak to that. But this is my day to be irresponsible, drink too much, and of course, wear green. We already have two holidays for me to buy my kids more stuff and give the credit to an imaginary magical entity.

The Truth

Unfortunately for my daughter, this means that she is not going to catch a leprechaun this year. I feel bad telling her no, but don’t worry. I figure a few more car bombs and shots of whiskey and I won’t feel anything. Other parents, I urge you to follow me and not turn this celebration of intoxication into another gift giving holiday. Don’t feel bad for the kids, they can make do with the plethora of presents they receive for Christmas, birthdays, Easter, Valentines Day, and because Mommy loves Amazon. They will be fine.

We need this. We need a break from being responsible adults. Let’s stand up against the well-meaning parents out there and save St. Patricks day. Say it with me, “I have kids, but this is my day. I’m wearing green and because of my kids I need this drink!”





Bryan Alkire

Bryan is a Stay at Home Dad from Kalamazoo MI. Every day he is lucky enough to experience the joys and struggles of raising his two young girls. His older daughter, a brain tumor survivor, has just started school. His younger daughter is a ball of energy that always keeps him on his toes. He chronicles his adventures with his girls and beautiful wife on his blog When not watching the girls he plays golf (badly), enjoys craft beer, and working on that book he keeps promising to get done.

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