They Mean Well, 7 Unintenional Insults said to all At Home Dads

People mean well. They will see me out with the girls, and they smile and comment on our situation. They will say something that they think is a compliment. They ask something they think is a kind question. Well, it’s not. It’s an insult. Let me break down 7 of the most annoying things I hear as a stay at home dad.

7 What they say – Are you looking for a job? –  What Dads Hear – You can’t possibly be happy doing this
– I’m not looking for a job. I made a choice. I decided that I wanted my wife to follow her career. I decided that I wanted to take care of my family. I don’t need the job to validate what I’m doing. I’m happy and fulfilled. I am not looking for a job because I already have one.  I have one. I am a professional Dad.

6 What They Say – I wish I could stay home – What Dad’s Hear – I wish I didn’t have to work
– It’s funny whenever I hear this one, the one thing that is completely absent is the acknowledgment of any of the stuff I do all day.  They look forward to not having a boss or being able to spend the time with the kids. They forget about the diapers and the dishes. The fighting and the crying, (both the kids as well as mine). They only remember the fun parts.22731939248_39d4d6f215_z

5 What they say – Is this a Special Daddy Day? – What Dads Hear – Dad with kids must be a special occasion
– I have spoken about this one before. It doesn’t need to be a special occasion for me to be out with my girls. I take them to the store, the movies, out to lunch and more all the time. Do you know why? Because they are my kids, and CPS frowns on that whole leaving them unsupervised thing. 

4 What They Say – I could never do THAT – What Dads Hear – That is beneath me
– This one is kind of hard because inflection means a lot here. In some cases, the person could be genuine. But all to often it is said in a dismissive matter. It isn’t someone acknowledging the difficulties I talked about in number 6. It is the opposite. Someone who needs the validation of their title. Someone who needs their morning latte and their business card. I’ll be honest I feel sorry for these people.

3 What They Say – You’re really good at (child care)  – What Dads Hear -You’re really good at that for a man
– I tend to get this one from older women. They say it with such surprise and glee in their voice. I know they mean well, but still I have to wonder if they would say that to a mom? No, they wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be a big deal for a mom to handle her kids, and it should be a big deal that I can as well.

2 What They Say – Did you get laid off? – What Dads Hear – No man would choose to stay home
– Nope, I didn’t get laid off. I wasn’t fired. I didn’t get hurt and I didn’t have trouble finding a job. It wasn’t forced on me and it didn’t happen by accident.  I chose to stay home. I chose to leave my job. I chose to take care of my family. I chose to be a stay at home dad.

1 What they say – You’re Mr. Mom! – What Dads Hear – Only Mom’s take care of kids
– The big one. The worst thing you could say to a dad.  When you saw Mr. Mom, it is an insult. You’re saying that Dad’s don’t raise their kids. Only Mom’s do. You’re saying that if I raise my kids I must be a Mom. Worst of all you’re saying that only a women can raise kids. You’re saying that raising kids is women’s work. I have two daughters and if they want to be Stay at Home Moms I am all for it. But if they decide they want to be a doctor, a lawyer or run a company, well I am all for that too.

Photo from- David Mulder – Flickr.comCC
Photo from- Craig Sunter – Flickr.com – CC

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Bryan Alkire

Bryan is a Stay at Home Dad from Kalamazoo MI. Every day he is lucky enough to experience the joys and struggles of raising his two young girls. His older daughter, a brain tumor survivor, has just started school. His younger daughter is a ball of energy that always keeps him on his toes. He chronicles his adventures with his girls and beautiful wife on his blog www.kzoodad.com. When not watching the girls he plays golf (badly), enjoys craft beer, and working on that book he keeps promising to get done.

One thought on “They Mean Well, 7 Unintenional Insults said to all At Home Dads

  • April 12, 2016 at 5:13 pm
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    Haha I am wiping tears and shaking my head! I am a pro dad as well I have twin 4 year old girls and a 2 year old boy. My favorite is “boy you’ve your hands full” Duh! And then some. Meanwhile a mom walks right by me with 4 kids and no one says anything. They have never seen me put all of my kids on a Stand up paddleboards head out to the lake and go stand up paddle fishing. A trip to Costco ain’t poo, and let’s see mom try that one. I loved this blog thank you.

    Gary Vroenen,
    #wherzgarygoing

    Reply

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