I hate people without kids. There I said it. They have it pretty easy.
7, – They Get Some Quiet – My house is always loud. It doesn’t matter what is going on. The kids could be happy, the kids could be sad. The only constant is they will happen at top volume. People without kids get some quiet. They can have a moment of silence to distress or collect their thoughts. For me, the rare moment of silence just means something is broken or someone is hurt.
6, – They Can Watch TV – I don’t get to watch TV anymore. If the TV is on it is tuned to the Disney Channel or some similar children’s programming. I am so used to it sometimes the kids go to bed and I just leave it on. People without kids? They get to watch grown up TV. I am not only referring to Game of Thrones, I don’t even get to see the news.
5, – Their House is Clean – I am not sure how, but every horizontal surface in my house is sticky. My house is always a mess. I literally clean the house every day. When my wife gets home from work she asks why it is so messy. I just drop my head in defeat and tell her the kids will have trashed it, again. Those people without kids? Their homes look great. Everything isn’t stained, there aren’t toys everywhere, and the carpet is the same color as when they bought it. Speaking of which I wonder what color our couch used to be.
4, – They Get to Have Fun With Their Spouse – My wife and I never get to go out as a couple. Almost never sometimes grandma comes to the rescue. But the rest of the time, someone always has to stay back and watch the kids. Or if we are brave, we will bring them with us. A dinner with my wife is nothing like a dinner with the kids. With my wife I enjoy dinner. With the kids, I spend a lot of time telling one kid to eat and telling her sister to stop throwing food. People without kids? They not only get to go to restaurants that don’t have crayons at the table, but they can sit and actually eat their meal. They can actually enjoy each others company, instead of having to each take a kid and beg them to eat.
3, – They Have Free Time – Nothing gets done in my house when the kids are awake. It doesn’t matter the task. It could be a hobby or a chore. either way, it’s not getting done. You may try, but the kids will be sure to intervene making any progress you make towards your goal minimal at best. As for people without kids? They can have hobbies. They can get things done. It isn’t that they are better at time management, they just don’t have someone dumping cereal on the floor while you are trying to mop up the milk they spilled a few minutes earlier.
2, – They Get To Be Alone – There is no such thing as privacy or alone time in my house. Try to go to the bathroom a kid is there wanting you to get them something. Want to eat an apple a kid is there asking for a bite. Try to make a phone call? Your kid has something they need to tell you RIGHT NOW! People without kids? They can sit and read a book. They can enjoy a quiet meal. They can take a shower without a kid banging on the door trying to get in. I miss being alone sometimes.
1, – They Can Sleep In – I can’t stress this one enough. I miss sleeping in. My oldest daughter is five. That means it has been almost 5 years since I have slept in past 6:30 am. Occasionally my wife or I will feel pity on the other and get up alone and groggily watch the kids while the other try to sleep over the noise. The well-rested people without kids? They can sleep as long as they want. They can spend the day in bed if they want. Jerks.
I love my girls and couldn’t imagine life without them. But right now times are tough. I know once my girls are older I will feel different. The benefits of having kids, the happy memories and hopefully a retirement surrounded by family will change my jealousy to pity for those poor lonely saps that didn’t suffer through the toddler years. But right now I hate every one of those informed, clean, well-rested people who don’t have kids.
Do you also hate people without kids? Did I just list the reasons you don’t have kids? Leave a comment below.