7 Types of Parents I Hate

There are many different types of parents. Most of them are easy to deal with. Unfortunately, some aren’t. Some parents seem to have their priorities and their views so warped they are just a pain to deal with. Being an At Home Dad, I come in to contact with a lot of these parents at gym classes, at school drop-off, and on the message board of this very blog. Parents who just need to tell me what I am doing wrong or what I need to do better. What follows is a list to help you identify these parents.

The Perfect Parent – Boy, do I hate this parent. Their kids never fight. Their kids always go right to sleep and stay there. These kids always eat whatever is prepared for them. These kids are perfect, and by extension this parent is perfect. The problem? Every parent knows this guy is full of it and lying. There is no way any kids are that perfect. Even the best most well-behaved and tolerant kids still have tantrums and bad nights, and find things they won’t eat. It is all part of growing up. This parent is just trying to impress other parents. It doesn’t work because we all know it is bull. If by some small chance this parent is telling the truth and their kids are that perfect, well then I hate them just that much more.

 The First Parent Ever – This is the first person to ever have a kid, ever, in the history of man-kind.  They are going through it and there is no way you could possibly understand how difficult it is or how much they have to sacrifice. They need your sympathy and your adoration for how they are tackling such a hard task that no one has ever conquered before. This parent usually disappears around their kids first birthday as they realize what they are going through is the same trials that every parent has gone though since the beginning of time.

The Better Parent – The Better parent knows what they are doing. If you would just put in the effort, you could be as good as them. They are more than willing to offer this advice whether you ask them for it or not. Whatever part of childcare you may be struggling with, a picky eater, a bad napper, this parent has a solution and if you would just try, you could do it too. They never have more than one child, if they do, they tend to stop being a Better Parent. That second kid is great at ignoring everything that worked with their older sibling. This destroys The Better Parent. I love that kid.

The Facebook Parent – This parent is a tough one because for the most part they are a good parent. Unfortunately, they have decided that you need to see every single picture they have taken of their kids, and they take a lot. This parent is a new thing. Countless parents have boxes full of old VHS and Polaroid pictures sitting in their attics. The difference is now they have an easy way to share these photos and feel the need to share every single one. Simply put, I should not have more pictures of your kids on my computer then I do of my own. Especially if you kid is ugly. Be honest with yourself, you know if your kid is model material or tends to take better pictures at night with the flash off.

The Pet Parent – I get it you love your animals. They show you affection, have personality and can be a great companion. I have had dogs my entire life. I loved every one of my animals. But, I love my kids more. It doesn’t compare. As much personality as any animal may have it is still an animal. I get so tired of people comparing my kids to your dog. I know both can be loud, messy, and may poop on my floor, but they aren’t the same.  Most of all don’t compare a dog’s passing away to losing a child. As a parent who was lucky enough to have that fear pass, I cannot put into words the anger and insult I feel when someone compares that to an animal that had to be put down. Just don’t do it.

The Activist Parent – You know this parent. They only feed their kids organic foods. They decided that it is best to raise their kid only speaking ancient Latin instead of whatever the predominate language is where they live. They, despite the huge mounds of evidence, know better than doctors and refuse to vaccinate their kids.  They will follow whatever fad or new age parenting advice and swear by how it is so much better. No amount of evidence or proof will change their mind. This parent wants to prove a point and they are using their kid to help them do it. This self-righteous jerk, much like the better parent, knows better than you and will not hesitate to tell you what you are doing wrong and how you are killing your kid.

The Missing Parent – This parent is number one because they are the worst. They have the opportunity and the means to be with their kid but decides not to. I am not referring to parents that have to be away for work to feed their kids. I am not referring to an at-home parent who escapes for a little break once their spouse is home. I am referring to the parents that let the nanny raise the kids so they can be at work to have a vacation home or second boat. The parents who just can’t be pulled away from whatever to see their kids recital or ball game. The parents who can’t stop playing video games or leave Facebook to be with their kids. There are thousands of parents who have to give up those things to feed their kids and keep a roof over their heads. To give it up time with your kids voluntarily, and consistently, just seems unforgivable.

What type of parent are you? What type bugs you the most? Leave a comment below.

Photo from Marina Montoya– flickr.com – CC

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Bryan Alkire

Bryan is a Stay at Home Dad from Kalamazoo MI. Every day he is lucky enough to experience the joys and struggles of raising his two young girls. His older daughter, a brain tumor survivor, has just started school. His younger daughter is a ball of energy that always keeps him on his toes. He chronicles his adventures with his girls and beautiful wife on his blog www.kzoodad.com. When not watching the girls he plays golf (badly), enjoys craft beer, and working on that book he keeps promising to get done.

28 thoughts on “7 Types of Parents I Hate

  • Pingback: 7 Types of Parents that I Hate | KzooDad - DAM Bloggers

  • November 26, 2014 at 6:50 am
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    Hmm – I’m more like the parent in one of your previous posts about what I thought I would do before I had kids – and what I do now. Secret confession – I have an elaborate dance that I do with a spoon in my hand which makes my little girl laugh – and I take the opportunity of her mouth being open to put some food in! I can get about seven bites in that way! Well, the type of parent who annoys me is the boaster who treats their child like a circus monkey. So, you will hear them saying “He is only two but he can already write his own name – cmon Billy, show them how you can write your own name” and poor Billy has to leave his toys and come over to us and ‘perform’ – and we have to watch in ‘admiration’ while he spends 10 minutes slowly writing his name. Or “It is a shame your daughter can only say two words – I’ve taught Billy to say ‘hello’ in five different languages – now Billy, what is ‘hello’ in Cantonese”. And woe betide Billy if he gets it wrong in front of an audience. The Pet Parent annoys me too – especially when they think it is cute when their dog is all over my child. Saying “He just loves children” just doesn’t wash. I’ve backed my little girl away from a dog before and the owner has stood there, not realising that I’m not happy, saying “Don’t worry – he wouldn’t hurt a fly” – maybe if I told them that it is my little girl who is the biter they may think again 😉

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    • November 26, 2014 at 8:44 am
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      Cant say too much about that one. I have been know to brag anout my kids on a few occasions. So your right, and I need to be careful.

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  • November 26, 2014 at 9:11 am
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    I’m sorry that you feel that way about pet parents. For some of us, our beloved pets are as close as we will ever get to having children of our own, thanks to infertility. Stop complaining about other parents and be happy that at least you, like them, were fortunate enough to be able to bring life into this world.

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    • November 26, 2014 at 9:16 am
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      Loving your pets isnt my problem. It is equating them to my or any one elses kids that is. If infertility is somthing you suffer from please shower that love on an adopted child instead of a dog.

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      • November 30, 2014 at 11:34 pm
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        I just stumbled across some of your other posts and enjoyed them….agree with the one about how others shouldn’t assume because you’re out alone with your kids it’s a “special Daddy day” or a rarity, laughed about the things you swore you’d never do before having kids (could relate to a few of those, we had broiled salmon, cauliflower, and Easy Mac for dinner tonight….guess what got eaten).

        But this one, particularly your response to Kristy, I found very offensive. Please don’t flippantly suggest that she “shower her love on an adopted child” like that is the easiest thing in the world to do. Adoption is wonderful, but is a very challenging, expensive, and sometimes heartbreaking endeavor, and may not be for everyone. Obviously you love your kids very much, try to imagine for a second how it would feel to want that and be unable to have it.

        As for myself, I have a beloved son (after years of infertility I am extremely grateful) and two dogs. My dogs are very much a part of my family, I love them very much, and yes, when they pass on those events will rank among the more traumatic in my life. They have given me unconditional love and they are part of my inner circle. No one is diminishing your kids or kids in general by loving their animals.

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        • December 1, 2014 at 12:04 am
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          I’m sorry to offend that is never my intention. I have had many pets in my life and know what they can bring to your life. As you may have seen in the other posts you read we almost lost our daughter a few years back. More then once I had people equate that experience with losing a pet. I loved my pets and was a wreak when they passed. But it was nothing like the fear of losing my daughter. Even writing down that comparison angers me.
          As for the adoption comment, I wrote that in haste and probably shouldn’t. I am a big proponent of adoption, I have multiple friends and relatives that have been adopted or have adopted. I have seen the success and tend to forget some of the struggles involved. In my advocacy I was rude and for that I am sorry. So Kristy I’m sorry for my comment. Angela, I am sorry I offended you.
          Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the rest of what you read. Please feel free to comment or contact me any time.

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          • December 1, 2014 at 1:23 am
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            Thanks for your thoughtful response. I cannot imagine how horrible that must have been to fear losing your daughter. I am happy to hear that she is a survivor! The background makes your comments make more sense.

            I’m extra sensitive to the infertility part having gone through it. I heard from well-intentioned people to “just adopt” or “relax and it will happen” and other commentary that just didn’t really help….plus, my dogs are awesome and I admit my son and I just collected blankets and food for a local rescue so that’s another one of my passions.

            Wishing continued health to your daughter and all of your family.

  • November 27, 2014 at 7:01 am
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    Yes. Absolutely yes! My husband is the Facebook Parent. Me too I suppose but not quite as much!

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  • November 27, 2014 at 9:50 am
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    Feeding your children food sourced from a safe place, nurturing and encouraging then to be bilingual if not trilingual, and not injecting your children with foreign objects (mercury, thimerosol, dead viruses, etc) is smart parenting. You are a moron.

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    • December 9, 2014 at 2:58 am
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      “This self-righteous jerk, much like the better parent, knows better than you and will not hesitate to tell you what you are doing wrong and how you are killing your kid.”

      Way to prove his point, Kavouri…skip rational and polite discourse and go right to angry name-calling…hilarious!!!

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    • December 9, 2014 at 8:50 am
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      You do realise the human body produces far more murcery per day than is in vaccinations? That the same fda that allows that “poison disguised as food” into the market is the same fda that sets the standards for “organic”? I know science is hard with all those big words, but it can keep you from looking like chicken little. For the sky is not in fact falling.

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    • January 25, 2015 at 12:13 pm
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      Kavouri,

      Please stay away from Disneyland.

      Thanks.

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  • November 27, 2014 at 10:46 am
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    Hahaha…..I was the one who put my babies on a feeding schedule. Everyone I knew thought I was nuts. But it was something I learned while working as a nanny for years prior to becoming a parent. After seeing how all the parents I worked for (but the one who taught me this), struggled with cranky babies who wanted to sip on the bottle/breast at all hours of the day….the decision was easy. I loved it…..my kids never sipped, they ate/drank their fill…..and they slept through the night at 8 weeks.
    I’m also the one pushing foreign languages their way, and world history and other cultures. But I would never treat them as carnival attractions.

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  • November 28, 2014 at 11:14 pm
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    There is also the parent that treats you as if you are acting like “The First Parent Ever”, no matter what you are dealing with. They tend to one-up all of your struggles. You are venting about how your child won’t eat, and they tell you about how their child fasted for three years. Your child doesn’t sleep well? Their child hasn’t slept for longer than one hour a night since birth. You are telling them about last night in the emergency waiting room, and they have always waited longer under worse conditions for a worse illness or injury.

    Our child has a feeding disorder. It was pretty much the centre of our life for his first year, with an unbelievable number of doctors, specialists, and worry, until he was correctly diagnosed and we got him on the right medication and therapy. It is amazing what proportion of parents, though, from their stories, dealt with worse feeding problems than we did. We received very little support from friends and family during our struggles because most just assumed that we were being “The First Parent Ever.”

    I find Canadian pediatricians are often this type of parent when you first meet them.

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    • November 29, 2014 at 12:11 am
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      Yes! The I’ve Got It Harder Than You Parent! Annoying, very annoying! Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could just chill out and actually support other parents than trying to one up each other?! Good luck with feeding xx

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  • November 29, 2014 at 12:14 am
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    Oh and I just realised how that sounded…just finished at my son’s first birthday party–exhausted!

    I mean that it sucks when you try to offload or seek help and you just get that “well when MY son/daughter …blahblahblah… It was sooooo hard and much worse than you have it.” Lol

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    • November 30, 2014 at 4:49 pm
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      I think you ^^^^^ are the rudest person I’ve EVER seen on his blog. You insult him, and then right after make a comment that people should just CHILL regarding parenting styles….why don’t you take your own advice??

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      • November 30, 2014 at 4:51 pm
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        I think you ^^^^^ are the rudest person I’ve EVER seen on his blog. You insult him, and then right after make a comment that people should just CHILL regarding parenting styles….why don’t you take your own advice??
        ** sorry about that, I had your comment confused with ‘Kavouri’…..I apologize

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      • November 30, 2014 at 7:20 pm
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        Um excuse me? I actually think he makes quite a few humorous points. I’m saying other people need to chill, like the people who tell others they’re doing it wrong.

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        • November 30, 2014 at 7:21 pm
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          Oh wait. Lol yes I didn’t see your ** added part.

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  • December 1, 2014 at 6:42 pm
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    I don’t think there is a “one kind” of parent that’s really any better than the rest. No “one type” of parent should rule the roost and be the “head honcho” for all parents to relate to. We all have different beliefs and opinions on how we should be raising our kids or how we want to raise them. We shouldn’t be so judgemental on other parents cause in the bigger picture all parents pretty much go through the same things on child behavior and what works for them. Every parent has different skills and different ways of doing things, right or wrong.

    But I do have to say the only type of parent I don’t like is the kind that claims to be a stay at home mom but usually has someone else take care of her kids during the day while she just sits on her ass and does whatever she wants. Most of the time these women take credit for raising the kids herself. And along the line tells other parents what they are doing wrong. So pathetic and annoying

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  • December 19, 2014 at 5:53 pm
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    I loved this! I would repost it but I am not as brave as you are. I completely agree and could’ve written it myself.

    Before I had my son (who is almost 16 now) I used to actually BELIEVE I would not be able to live after my dog, Fred, died. O M GEEEEE.

    I’ve been crazy about all of my dogs, my fur kids, but they are NOT HUMANS everyone! Nothing compares to the love you have for a human baby. NOTHING.

    Keep up the good work.

    PS: I was also born in Kalamazoo but haven’t been back since 1974. 😉

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  • February 12, 2015 at 1:24 am
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    I was trying to figure which parent I would be…but I’m not sure I fit in the categories you mentioned, Bryan.

    For a moment (and nervously so) I thought maybe I was “The Better Parent”, but I don’t get in anyone’s face or make suggestions. I do roll my eyes with some, but hey–we ALL have our good days, bad days and we’re all working out things as best we can, right?

    Right.

    Funny thing is, I asked my wife what she thought and I actually got a compliment out of this!

    “I’d say you’re a ‘successful’ parent, sweetie.”

    I swear–that’s what she said.

    …and we have 12 kids: age 3 months to 24 yrs old, married with grandkids.

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  • April 2, 2016 at 7:52 am
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    First let me preface this by saying yes I got my kids vaccinated. Unfortunately. In my opinion. After much much research, bc my interest was piqued esp after the school forced my son to have an extra polio shot since 2 were considered to close together, and realizing required shots had almost tripled since I was I child I wanted to know why. Polyp is basically unheard of in the US went put my kid through 4 or 5 shots esp since 1 was a week earlier than guidelines said. As to mercury produced in the body, is that being injected directly into the blood? What is the side effects of that? Obviously there’s a link between autism and vaccines or the government wouldn’t she’ll out huge sums of money without overwhelming proof. Luckily my children don’t appear harmed but for the past 6 years they have not, nor will they receive a flu shot. I don’t push this philosophy on others, I mention it here bc it was brought up 1st. Chicken pox I was given that in the Navy at 19. I had chicken pox seemed unnecessary I believe all us parents did at one point. It was an uncomfortable week, we survived. I don’t think chicken pox is lethal, I think it’s been a normal childhood condition for ages. But now they’re 3 mandatory vaccines for chicken pox that doesn’t guarantee a child won’t get it, just won’t get it severe. Why? And I remember my babies getting 4 or 5 shots on 1 visit. Multiple times. Does anyone know how they interact? Are 5 shots of mercury (directly in a person’s bloodstream) safe for anyone much less a tiny helpless baby? I do not blame the pediatrician, he was old, very very old. Found conditions in both kids one needing surger minor surgery, one needing to be corrected in office, that most never would have found. Look up anal stenosis and urethra stenosis. Son had urethra, daughter anal. But he didn’t give me option on shots, he just said they’re getting 4 today or 5 or 3. I think 5 or 6 most they got. When he retired, I took them to my family dr and was shocked when he said they need such and such IS THAT OK WITH YOU? I was like why ask, aren’t you just supposed to tell me and do it??

    That being said, I feel to be honest, I must tell you the whole truth. I go to a church most would consider very odd. It’s end time prophetic church. And I suppose many would consider me a conspiracy theorist. I don’t think our Gov, the fda, or Monsanto cares about us or children. I believe Chem trails are being sprayed on us and not for a good reason. I think GMO foods are detrimental and I believe a main goal of those truly in charge (behind the scenes shadow gov) do intend to implement what’s on the Georgia guides tones. I do not believe in alien abductions and all that nonsense. But if I tell the truth about my beliefs that our fabulous government doesn’t really have our best interests at heart, then I cannot believe them in general. Our the fda esp when they claim shooting mercury in a babies bloodstream over and over is completely safe when ice been taught don’t touch mercury heck do not eat too much fish when pregnant bc of the mercury! Maybe I’m wrong and it’s backwards rating mercury whole pregnant is great for the baby, that’s why they say don’t do it. See its a rabbit hole. I barely scratched the surface. I don’t however tell other parents what to do, but if I personally redo my kids shot records would include much much less. At least 7 or 8. No chicken pox. No polio. But I say that now, idk what I’d day of they were younger and I were facing that pressure. My father is an eye dr (but considers himself am everything dr with his family) and thinks I’m crazy for my concerns. So I cannot say with certainty what I’d do facing that again. Just thought I’d share that especially the last part in interest of full disclosure.

    Oh kind of mom i am. Single. Spends Thursdays at kids school bringing them lunch. Saturdays we run races. Well they run, too expensive for me too register each race. They love it. Both run 10k 15k and half marathons. I do brag a little about that bc my youngest is 8 and will have run 3 half marathons in 5 weeks. Oldest just turned 11. I have wonderful parents. My mother picks them up from school and watches them until I’m off work. Ok that’s an exaggeration. My mother does that but she’s not so wonderful (esp dealing with me) we have a strained relationship and kids see it and think they will use to their advantage to get me and my mom fighting. I live with awful neighbors who threaten and have called police if kids outside playing. My oldest has anger issues right now and they’ll threaten me with cps if they hear yelling. Well if he’s in a rage, breaking things calling me names, hitting his sister, I put his tablet in time out. The other day he screamed for 2.5 hrs. But I will not let neighbors threaten/bully me. I have to discipline him and if they don’t live it, they can call family services. My kids are neither abused nor neglected (if I abused them don’t you think they’d be too scared to act they way they do). I spanked my son, he yelled I punched him in the throat hoping my old, cranky neighbor would call police. She didn’t.

    If anyone has tips on unruly children I’m all ears. Some of the things he says amaze me. It’s just not normal. I’ve even talked to his counselor at scool but he’s so good for everyone else I bet the feeling they think I’m exaggerating.

    Wow I went from my personal concerns to my conspiracy beliefs to bragging to my oldest issues.

    Where does that put me? The crazy mother? The worst list?

    Oh and the animal thing drives me insane. One of the 2 neighbors has bulldogs and she loathes kids. Made my daughter cry bc she shut a door too hard and was going to call police bc it scared her dogs and they peed. I’m like ok. Call them and say a child shut a door. Can you respond? There was a neighbor who cursed out the kids even as young as 4. I confronted him, he proceeded to let loose so many curse words for about 20 minutes until a father stepped in and said stop. My daughter 7 at time asked what the f word meant at my mothers dinner table. Steve though saw my boy friend who happens to be 6 ft 3 240 pounds and black. But is a Christian and sweet but has my back. Steve has since laid off, stopped speaking with other 2 and personally apologized.

    Oh well that’s my parenting story. My kids get yelled at and cursed using sidewalk chalk when my neighbor is drunk! They’re scared to go outside if she’s home. I’m like whatever play have fun, and do not speak to those two.

    As for the park I agree. Only time I play with them is to push. They don’t want me around at the park, unless to play soccer or something when it’s usually 5 on 1 guess who the 1 is?

    Good post. It’s pretty early and we gotta leave in 16 minutes for our weekly race. Uggh next week my son will be camping so I will be running half marathon with daughter. No training, prep and I smoke. There will be race pacers with its and I wonder if they’ll frown on me smoking during the race? 🙂

    I am glad my children like running. They’re fit, they like it and the win awards at end of the year for running the most. Their school pressures them. They ran 43,000 laps as a school last year. That’s kinder through 5th. And my daughter barely lost the medal. This year she will not let that happen! That’s extent of my bragging. Does that pit me in the bragging category. I hope not. I don’t want to be obnoxious, but I know most kids do not want to get up early and run between 6 and 13 miles on Saturdays. So yeah I guess it makes me proud. If I could get nice neighbors and my son’s behavior under control, we’d be in better shape. Not perfect by a long shot but better!

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    • April 2, 2016 at 8:41 am
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      I’m glad your kids love to run that will go a long way towards keeping them healthy. To answer some of your points on the vaccine issue. It has been tested hundreds of times, there is zero link to autism. In fact, there has only ever been one study that said there was a link and it has since been retracted after the doctor admitting to falsifying the data. Vaccines are safe. We forget how bad some of these diseases are because we do not see them. We do not see them because vaccines are effective. Chicken pox can be deadly in infants, the elderly, and the immunocompromised. Same with many of the diseases we vaccinate against.

      I urge you to get the flu shot. With the overwelling amount of data saying they are safe, I have to believe they are. Many people have died from the flu. don’t let facebook scientists and a few celebrities add your children to the number of victims.

      Thanks for reading and feel free to contact me if you want to chat.

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      • April 7, 2016 at 8:23 pm
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        The comments remind me of the other type of parent that consistently leave an impression…the defensive parent. Everyone is allowed to have an observation, agree, and disagree. It doesn’t have to be a personal affront to who one is as a parent, just one person’s perspective. Translation: it’s not all about you. This blog had much I agreed with and some I didn’t, but it was nice to read all of it because it was genuine. I stay away from other parents most of the time because I am just plain exhausted by the living, breathing comment section here playing out in real life between parents as their kids play. I appreciate people who feel comfortable sharing but can balance it with genuine curiosity/interest in someone else’s life/perspective. But this balance rarely happens. I can’t remember the last time any parent telling me all about themselves thought to ask about me and no surprise, I have very friends with kids. Maybe we wouldn’t be so defensive if we simply accepted differences aren’t bad or an affront to who we are.

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