There are many different types of parents. Most of them are easy to deal with. Unfortunately, some aren’t. Some parents seem to have their priorities and their views so warped they are just a pain to deal with. Being an At Home Dad, I come in to contact with a lot of these parents at gym classes, at school drop-off, and on the message board of this very blog. Parents who just need to tell me what I am doing wrong or what I need to do better. What follows is a list to help you identify these parents.
The Perfect Parent – Boy, do I hate this parent. Their kids never fight. Their kids always go right to sleep and stay there. These kids always eat whatever is prepared for them. These kids are perfect, and by extension this parent is perfect. The problem? Every parent knows this guy is full of it and lying. There is no way any kids are that perfect. Even the best most well-behaved and tolerant kids still have tantrums and bad nights, and find things they won’t eat. It is all part of growing up. This parent is just trying to impress other parents. It doesn’t work because we all know it is bull. If by some small chance this parent is telling the truth and their kids are that perfect, well then I hate them just that much more.
The First Parent Ever – This is the first person to ever have a kid, ever, in the history of man-kind. They are going through it and there is no way you could possibly understand how difficult it is or how much they have to sacrifice. They need your sympathy and your adoration for how they are tackling such a hard task that no one has ever conquered before. This parent usually disappears around their kids first birthday as they realize what they are going through is the same trials that every parent has gone though since the beginning of time.
The Better Parent – The Better parent knows what they are doing. If you would just put in the effort, you could be as good as them. They are more than willing to offer this advice whether you ask them for it or not. Whatever part of childcare you may be struggling with, a picky eater, a bad napper, this parent has a solution and if you would just try, you could do it too. They never have more than one child, if they do, they tend to stop being a Better Parent. That second kid is great at ignoring everything that worked with their older sibling. This destroys The Better Parent. I love that kid.
The Facebook Parent – This parent is a tough one because for the most part they are a good parent. Unfortunately, they have decided that you need to see every single picture they have taken of their kids, and they take a lot. This parent is a new thing. Countless parents have boxes full of old VHS and Polaroid pictures sitting in their attics. The difference is now they have an easy way to share these photos and feel the need to share every single one. Simply put, I should not have more pictures of your kids on my computer then I do of my own. Especially if you kid is ugly. Be honest with yourself, you know if your kid is model material or tends to take better pictures at night with the flash off.
The Pet Parent – I get it you love your animals. They show you affection, have personality and can be a great companion. I have had dogs my entire life. I loved every one of my animals. But, I love my kids more. It doesn’t compare. As much personality as any animal may have it is still an animal. I get so tired of people comparing my kids to your dog. I know both can be loud, messy, and may poop on my floor, but they aren’t the same. Most of all don’t compare a dog’s passing away to losing a child. As a parent who was lucky enough to have that fear pass, I cannot put into words the anger and insult I feel when someone compares that to an animal that had to be put down. Just don’t do it.
The Activist Parent – You know this parent. They only feed their kids organic foods. They decided that it is best to raise their kid only speaking ancient Latin instead of whatever the predominate language is where they live. They, despite the huge mounds of evidence, know better than doctors and refuse to vaccinate their kids. They will follow whatever fad or new age parenting advice and swear by how it is so much better. No amount of evidence or proof will change their mind. This parent wants to prove a point and they are using their kid to help them do it. This self-righteous jerk, much like the better parent, knows better than you and will not hesitate to tell you what you are doing wrong and how you are killing your kid.
The Missing Parent – This parent is number one because they are the worst. They have the opportunity and the means to be with their kid but decides not to. I am not referring to parents that have to be away for work to feed their kids. I am not referring to an at-home parent who escapes for a little break once their spouse is home. I am referring to the parents that let the nanny raise the kids so they can be at work to have a vacation home or second boat. The parents who just can’t be pulled away from whatever to see their kids recital or ball game. The parents who can’t stop playing video games or leave Facebook to be with their kids. There are thousands of parents who have to give up those things to feed their kids and keep a roof over their heads. To give it up time with your kids voluntarily, and consistently, just seems unforgivable.
What type of parent are you? What type bugs you the most? Leave a comment below.