My Kid Just Swore – and I’m Happy

Ok, I admit that title is a little misleading. I am not happy that at my four-year-old has said her first curse word. I am not happy that I am going to have to be very careful from now on what I say. I am happy that despite the many, many opportunities presented, her use of profanity is not my fault.

The fault for this incident lays squarely with my beautiful (she may be reading this so, brownie points!) wife. My wife who rarely swears¬†swore at a car that took a parking spot she had wanted. What she forgot was that there were two little parrots in carseats in the back waiting to repeat whatever we say. That is when it happened. “Mommy, what’s $#$#?” My oldest asked.

We both went quiet. My wife was quiet out of fear and guilt. I was quiet because I wanted to laugh. If I laughed I was pretty sure  to my wife, all 5 foot 1 of her (allegedly), would beat me senseless right there in the parking lot.

My poor wife looked to me for help. I said nothing, still afraid that if I opened my mouth it would cause my kids to grow up without a father. Thinking quickly, and deciding I was no help (she was right), my wife did what any good parent would do. She ignored the question and quickly changed the subject.

We were meeting Grandma at this restaurant and my wife quickly directed my daughter to look for Grandma instead of wondering what that new word Mommy just used meant. It worked. I have to admit I was impressed, and a little scared of my wife’s Jedi mind trick. ( I think I now know why I do the dishes as often as I do.)

Now I, who normally receive the lecture was now the one to give the “being appropriate in front of the kids” speech. I kept it short, ( I knew she knew it. She has repeated it to me on numerous occasions), and just reminded her not to swear in front of the children. (I said children to sound more scholarly).

So far my daughter has not used that word again. I’m sure she will, and that time it will probably be my fault. But not this time. This time, I was happy because it wasn’t my fault.



Bryan Alkire

Bryan is a Stay at Home Dad from Kalamazoo MI. Every day he is lucky enough to experience the joys and struggles of raising his two young girls. His older daughter, a brain tumor survivor, has just started school. His younger daughter is a ball of energy that always keeps him on his toes. He chronicles his adventures with his girls and beautiful wife on his blog When not watching the girls he plays golf (badly), enjoys craft beer, and working on that book he keeps promising to get done.

2 thoughts on “My Kid Just Swore – and I’m Happy

  • March 25, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    She’ll use it again and at time that will embarrass you the most. Darn kids!! Well, maybe then you can give the lecture to your wife if you so choose. Personally, I would stay away from that – her response might add to your daughters vocab.

    • March 26, 2014 at 8:48 am

      Oh I was very careful with the lecture, and I await My daughters next dip into the profanity pool. For now I am hoping she just forgot about it. Thanks for reading.


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